[Satire] Military Recruiters Besieged by Applicants
Policy change credited with ending long-term military readiness shortfall
[01-19-24: Minor edits.]
After years, if not decades of falling short of recruitment targets, the Pentagon today announced that all branches of the armed services have exceeded manpower needs not only this year but for two years into the future. Media specialist Lt. JG Tiffany Fleishmann-Heimowicz apologized for the use of some words. “Like, I’m so sorry that I had to say ‘manpower.’ You know, it’s so sexist and everything. Eeew! But ‘personpower’ sounds awful, and even it has the word ‘son’ in it, which is sexist too. I thought this Newspeak was supposed to make things easier.”
Experts disagree as to the precise causes of the abrupt change in the public’s opinion of the military. But they are unanimous in welcoming the sea change. The consensus seems to be, however, that it was rescinding President Truman’s 1948 executive order ending racial segregation within the services. As a history refresher, it’s worth mentioning that Truman’s integration order was controversial at the time. To be sure, America still had Jim Crow laws and other forms of legal apartheid in the 1940s. The massive legal and social changes that civil rights would bring were still in the future. The military was among the first government structures to officially integrate.
Truman’s mandate was rolled out with relatively few problems unless you count Jackie Robinson. The desegregation of the military could scarcely have happened at a more opportune time. After the unprecedented general mobilization of the WW II years, millions of personnel who’d never worked with other races would return to civilian life that would only see gradual integration over many years.
Commentators universally praise President Harris’s handlers for hatching the ingenious plan that seemingly has pulled the Armed Forces out of its nosedive.
SGT Shaqueeza Jefferson, only slightly smaller than the desk she sits behind, is a staffer at a small city’s Army recruiter in a rural part of the state. She was astounded by the sheer number of applicants. “Shee-it!” she is quoted as saying, “Crackas be lining dey white asses up out de door and around de corner.” Her commander, SSG Miguel Estafar, a Venezuelan migrant looking forward to gaining his U.S. Citizenship, offered a more objective assessment: “Durante diez años…um, sorry. In my ten years as a recruiter, I’ve never seen such enthusiasm for national service. And, to judge by transcripts and other documentation candidates bring in, we’re getting high quality people. As long as they can serve in an all-white unit free from the dysfunction of woke lunacy, apparently even the prospect of being guinea pigs for experimental vaccines or being sent into pointless foreign wars that only profit the military-industrial complex doesn’t deter them.”
White House spokes entity Latrine Jean-Baptiste in announcing the measure dryly explained that an Executive Order could be cancelled by a later Executive Order, as in the present case. When asked whether decades of intervening Federal laws, court decisions and other factors expanding civil rights might not cast the re-institution of segregation of the military into legal doubt, it replied “Since when is the Federal government constrained by law?”
Postscript
The UK is having similar recruiting problems. “Intake for both the Navy and Royal Marines dropped by a shocking 22.1 per cent compared with the previous year.”
https://www.telegraph.co.uk/news/2024/01/11/the-cult-of-diversity-is-becoming-dangerous/
Here’s a second article; curious that this one doesn’t mention at all the problem of “woke” and other policy changes that have tarnished the services’ allure for what was traditionally the core demographic for recruiters: White, Southern men with traditional beliefs. Folks, this essay began as a satire, but there’s a real problem here for the US and other nations as well.
https://www.telegraph.co.uk/us/news/2024/01/12/us-military-white-recruits-reduction-christine-wormuth/
Here’s a third article:
https://www.telegraph.co.uk/news/2024/01/18/us-military-uk-recruiting-crisis-white-male/
The tone of the article isn’t all that different from my earlier examples. Here, I’ll add some analysis. Why so many articles in recent months about recruiting shortfalls? One paranoid suspicion is that the Deep State knows a draft will have to be re-instituted and they are signaling the change to the public, as is often the case.
Darker speculation: thinking two steps ahead, what if the draft is restarted and they still can’t get enough competent people? Or even more sinister: What if they don’t WANT white males, and NOT because they wouldn’t tick the right boxes for DEI?
I’ve seen a few times in the dissident blogoshere this worrisome thought: The military would enroll a large number of the illegal aliens that stream into our country by the millions every year. These have no allegiance to traditional white, American values. They would be the perfect troops to use against any potential dissidents or rebels in the home country. This is not as far fetched as it sounds: In the U.S., an alien can serve in the armed forces and it’s helpful to him obtaining residency and/or citizenship. I don’t know if the situation is different in the UK. But the prospect of a military largely composed of cultural aliens, to police domestic unrest, cannot be dismissed.
It’s worth mentioning that California is already hiring illegal aliens as police.